App-athetic

The inability to keep up to date with the millions of App updates issued every second rendering your i-thingy archaic resulting in a complete disregard for updates.

Wow. I have 34 app updates since going to bed last night. I'm done with this. I have never been so App-athetic.

Ass-ter Shock

The shock that one gets while leaning forward to wipe after taking a dump and finding that the automatic flush thinks you have vacated ..... leaving a soggy ass.

Holy shit - that always happens. Now my ass is wet and shitty - I hate Ass-ter Shock

Or...

Why is that guys pants so wet? Must have been a victim of Ass-ter Shock

Pre-Tox

The act of abstainence prior to a major alcoholic binge

Jonny W: how come you are not drinking tonight
Jonny S: just cleaning the pipes for my weekend in Napa with da boyz
Jonny W: Pre-Tox. Niiice

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Google Spaz

A person (or persons) who, despite much frenzied effort, take an exponentially greater time to find an answer to an obvious question.

Wife: what's the name of that song by Pink I love.

Me: pass me your phone and I will Google it
Wife: no I will do it. What. Do you think I am useless.

Me: Of course not darling.

5 hours later...
Wife: At last.. Give me one last kiss
Me: Fuck me. You are kidding. You are truly a Google Spaz.

[Assholes]

Members of the American Congress upholding a constitution against popular public opinion and in the face of all common sense.

"Dude did you see the gun control bill got thrown out of congress"
"What do you expect. They are assholes"

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