TONY

Everybody knows a Tony.

Everybody also knows a Tony’s Pizza, Italian deli, fish market, produce stand, barber, or tire shop (aka Tony’s Tires).

DEFINITION 1 (noun) — Tony the person tends to show up most as a pretty likable dude in your life, but can also be a super hot chick you follow on instagram, a favorite gym teacher, OR the drug dealer who’s never been late.

DEFINITION 2 (noun) — Tony the place tends to show up just when you need it most.

For example, you’re on a road trip and stuck in a really small town and really fucking hangry. You fire up your Yelp to see what’s around, and lo and behold, up pops a Tony’s Pizza. It has 5 Stars and the most reviews in town (always does!). You head over and suddenly find yourself eating the best slice of your life.

DEFINITION 3 (noun, adj.) — Tony the “thing” tends to show up only after you’ve accepted Tony as the Holy Grail.

Once you recognize Tony for what it actually is, you start seeing him (or her) everywhere. You see people. You see pizza parlors and barber shops. You see Tony the Tiger. You see and hear “TONY” encoded in other words, like rigatoni, stony, and the name Tonya. You might even start using Tony in casual conversation.

As an adjective, you might want to start using Tony to describe how good something is (highly recommended).

DEFINITION 4 (verb) — This is for pure Tony-enthusiasts only. Derived from Tony the “drug dealer’s” impeccable punctuality, Tony the verb means it’s very fucking FAST and RELIABLE.

Tony (n.) — “You cruising up to Tony’s later?”, “Is there a Tony’s around here?”, “I love me some good Tony”.

Tony (adj.) — “Last night was Tony, bro.”, “I was SO ton’ied at that show last night!”

Tony (v.) — “That shit got here Tony as fuck.”, “You don’t need to drive so Tony right now.”