Guts night

A night in which sexual intercourse has been scheduled in advance between a husband and wife who have small children. This is often done because their once exuberant sex life has been utterly destroyed since having children. Absolutely nothing trumps guts night!

Any night you got a legitimate shot at crushing some ass.

Phil: "Hey Tom, a bunch of us are going to the bar to watch the Astros in the world series. You in?"

Tom: "I would on any other night guys, but tonight is guts night and the wife is DTF! I am not missing that for the fucking Astros!"

White by Proxy

1. When a person of color says they do not believe in racism or white privilege. May also be known to completely abandon their culture in deference to white culture. See Black Republican. 2. To be considered basically white because you’re “one of the Good Ones”.

“He doesn’t have to deal with matters us colored folks struggle with because he is white by proxy. They voted him in.”

Friends & Family Plan

When your sister/brother in law is not being sexually satisfied by their spouse or significant other and want to hook up with you and keep it undercover & within the family.

John: My sister in law told me she is starving for some dick. Said Bill doesn’t do it for her anymore.

Joe: Sounds like she is trying to get on the friends & family plan with you.

Multi-disastering

Managing multiple shitshows at once in a middle management level job in corporate American often made worse by people that literally give zero fucks.

Jim: Hey Brian wanna grab lunch?

Brian: I'm out bro. I'm multi-disastering the Rockwall account.

Multi-disastering

Managing multiple shitshows at once in a middle management level job in corporate America often made worse by people that literally give zero fucks.

Jim: Hey Brian wanna grab lunch?

Brian: I'm out bro. I'm multi-disastering the Rockwall account.

Christian in name only

When you push pro-Christian values, but ignore everything Jesus said about helping your sister or brother and loving everyone unconditionally.

Susan: Bill is such a strong Christian.

John: Hardly. Bill is a card carrying member of the KKK. He's more of a Christian in name only sort of guy.

5👍 2👎

*reach around not included

To get thoroughly screwed on something so that only the other party benefits but you don’t. Get screwed in the ass without getting a courtesy handjob.

Dude 1: “My roommate moved out before the lease was up and took my TV”

Dude 2: “Damn, bro. *reach around not included, huh?”