poop coach

(noun)-An individual who provides advice and support for someone who has to urgently take a massive shit with the intention of helping them to not take a massive and steamy dump in their pants. Truly one of the most heroic actions one could take.

Heather: John, drive faster, I really need to poop, I might not make it!

John: It's okay, I'll be your poop coach. What you need to do is pucker as hard as you can, remember to breathe, and visualize clogged pipes, corked bottles, and blocked holes.

Heather: Thank you John, you're the sweetest husband ever.