Rizzler

Common term for a work colleague (often male) who displays one or more of the following traits:
- Spends more than 4 hours each day sitting on the toilet, without removing his pants, with no intention of actually going to the toilet, although for some reason still insists on tearing off dozens of pieces of toilet paper and flushing them as part of his ‘cover’
- Eats warm garbage before coming in to work each morning
- Types with two fingers, as hard as possible
- Rolls over on colleagues whenever something goes wrong and throws them in front of the bus
- Occasionally gets caught jerking off in the fire stairwell
- Models his haircut on members from the band ‘one direction’
- Obsessive overuse of the words ‘obviously’ and ‘key’, even when something isn’t obvious, or even remotely relevant for that matter.
- Is paid in the order of 300% above industry standards for other people of similar aptitude and intelligence
- Has no friends
- Bares a striking resemblance to ‘The Hamburgular”

- Stores his semen (from his numerous daily stairwell jerk offs) in Dixie cups, with the intention of one day raising an unholy army of ‘little rizzlers’ to do his bidding
- Has every edition of GQ committed to memory
- Occasionally murders German backpackers and stores them under his floorboards

Tony: Yo Lance you’re not going to believe this, I just caught our Account Director jerking off in the stairwell whilst yelling out the words ‘key’ and ‘obviously’, while trying to catch his jizz in a Dixie cup!

Lance: What did I tell you Tony - the guy is a total Rizzler!

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