afl

AFL - acronym for Australian Football League, the governing body of Australian Rules Football.

Australian Rules Football is a regionally stunted game played primarily for and by rampant non-heterosexuals in the Southern States of Australia. The AFL is a conglomeration of blind lepers who have unnerving control over the sporting minds of ½ the population.

The game itself begins when two teams of 18 limp-wristed nancy boys run onto an oval through a 40 foot high banner made of toilet paper which has messages of love from their fans painted in it in various shades of lipstick. Running though the banner is the zenith of anyone's Australian Rules Football experience.

Prior to the game's commencement but after the "running of the banner" each side gathers in a group and runs around the oval to warm up. This is commonly known as a "melee" and is the first of many over the approximately 120 minutes the game takes.

Once the game starts at the sound of a hooter that would arouse a Moose, the ball (similar to a Gridiron ball, but less heterosexual) is bounced by a prat in a dangerously loud shirt called the "umpy". The main vocation of the umpy is to spend the game listening to 40,000 lispers calling out "ball". Most umpys are thankful that the word "ball" has no S in it.

From the first bounce until the end of the game there is a 100 minute game consisting of the aforementioned 36 men attempting to do things to each other that would be considered outrageous at a Mexican Donkey Show.

Scores are earned by kicking the ball between 4 posts at either end of the ground, yes 4. A player earns 6 points (a goal) for kicking the ball between the two highest posts in the centre of the 4 posts, and he scores 1 point (a behind) for missing the big posts but still managing to not miss all the posts.

Talent and co-ordination are not requirements to play Australian Rules Football. It is slightly tougher than Draughts but a smidgeon under Backgammon in toughness.

It is a game adored by 1/2 the country and hated by the other half. The collective IQ of the former is 12.

Hate Australian Rules Football even if you've never seen a game, it saves time later on.

I'm not a homosexual but I once AFL'd a guy who is.

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rugby league

The greatest game of all.

Initially formed as a breakaway from Rugby Union in the early 20th century as a way for players to be paid instead of the governing body pocketing all the profits, Rugby League has long since surpassed it's inferior cousin in all aspects.

A working class game of 13 men a side, there is no tougher sport on the planet. The men who play Rugby League are the true Gladiators of the 20th and 21st centuries.

An 80 minute game that is generally completed, with stoppages, in under 100 minutes, Rugby League is a test of skill, fitness, co-ordination and strength that no other game can match.

Imagine American Football played without the padding or the incessant stoppages and you get some idea of the pace and toughness of Rugby League.

Watch it and you WILL love it.

The only way to improve Rugby Union is to change it to Rugby League.

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