New Jersey

A place where people say Joisy instead of Jersey but insist they say Jersey. A place of bad haircuts and gold chains. When traveling down I95 if you see a hole in the ground and smell foul odors you're there. Where people focus on superficial shit like their tan and how many times they went to the gym that week. Where the guys beat off while watching videos of themselves beating off. Where they hate New York but they're just New York light. A place where liberal douche bag singers like Bruce Springsteen come from. He sucks, you know it. A place where you can bang nasty orange skin skanks. The beach is defined as the place where you can get used needles that washed ashore. Where AIDS and drug use is as common as the foul smelling air. A place that is the butt of many jokes. Tied with West Virginia with the least amount of last names in the phone book. Claim they invented cheese fries. When you go to a bar there all you can smell is cheap cologne, tanning lotion and stank pussy. Instead of Karaoke nights they have fist pumping nights. When super storm Sandy hit it was like someone flushed the toilet but some of the turds didn't go down.

Person 1- "I have to go to New Jersey this weekend."
Person 2- "That sucks. Make sure you get tested when you get back."
Person 1- "Tested for what."
Person 2- "AIDS, syphilis, gonorrhea, lung capacity, IQ, hair products, excessive liberalism and skin cancer."

9👍 5👎

Assplosion

When you have to take a shit so bad that as soon as your cheeks hit the seat it it sounds like a bomb went off.

Dude, as soon as I got into the bathroom some guy in the shitter had an Assplosion. I quickly washed my hands and got the fuck out of there.

4👍 9👎

Coronal Mass Ejection

When your ready to to blow your load you pull out and cum on their head.

Last night I was banging this chick and when I was getting ready to bust a nut I pulled out and gave her a coronal mass ejection. It was epic.