pissing contest

When two parties to an argument that should be resolved by compromise, which is to say an argument in which both parties have flaws and valid points to their argument, attempt to win the argument by offending or damaging each other. There's no winner, both parties wind up damaged.

Jim and Diane are in a pissing contest for their friends. In the waning weeks of their relationship Jim and Diane each try to win the allegiance of their common friends by telling derogatory stories about the other.

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