cock-up

A shambles. Sounds vulgar, but may not be; it may be a grouse shooting term. Customarily, shooters employ beaters to disturb birds on the ground and drive them into the air towards the guns. Normally one only shoots grouse hens, so if the beaters were by mistake to put up a grouse cock, they would warn the guns not to shoot by shouting "Don't shoot! It's a cock up!"

Can also be a transitive and intransitive verb.

One's whole shoot today was a disaster - one cock up after another. Now where's Camilla, the slapper? One feels like giving her a Dirty Sanchez. - Prince Charles

Another day, another cock-up - Tony Blair on the Iraq situation

The whole Iraq situation has cocked up badly - Tony Blair on the Iraq situation

I really cocked up Iraq, didn't I? - Tony Blair on the Iraq situation

115👍 20👎

kojak

To drive straight into a parking space, improbably available right outside the place you were headed, even though this is normally totally impossible to do.

The 70s television detective Kojak routinely did this in every episode, parking in front of the courthouse, the police station, the trendiest nightclub in town...anywhere.

I went shopping last night and was expecting a lot of trouble parking, but I found a space right in front of the shop. I kojaked!

129👍 15👎

Slapupuncture

Robust therapy delivered to whining women using the back of your hand. Often painful for the therapist, who must avoid injuring his hand on the patient's teeth.

Girl: I'm all stressed out. I need to book myself some acupuncture.
Boy: You want some pain to sort your problems out? Let me save you some money.
(SSSSSSLAP!!)
Girl: Oh honey, thank you so much - you split my lip! I feel better already. You sure slapped some sense into me!
Boy: Don't mention it - slapupuncture is my middle name!

10👍 4👎

hard

A pseudo-verb found most frequently in the breathless, cliche descriptions of sexual activity in airport fiction.

"She felt him hard against her"; hence, "to hard".

19👍 31👎