chav

A chav... is a strange creature that was not born in that way but was mutated at some point during their life into a burbary wearing, fast food scoffing, cigarette smoking monster who has no ambitions or dreams other than acting hard , having sex with any woman no matter how fugly and getting wasted ever Saturday off cheap cider...

Appearance: Usually they are easy to spot, aged around 8-18 (because after that age they get a grip), they usually wear burbary, or cheap imitation tracksuits with their trouser legs tucked into their imitation Nike or Adidas trainers. Usually the chav women have long hair tied in a side ponytail, so much makeup that you'd need a chisel to get it off and 2 times out of 10 they are pregnant. Often they have greasy skin and ridden with acne.

Habitat: Often they inhabit small dwellings on council estates in Britain and are very territorial, often hanging around their neighborhood, intimidating passers by and discussing "fitbirds" in their strange, ever changing language.

If there was a rare case of anybody actually Wanting to find chavs, for catching or hunting, the best place would probably be outside shops, in parks or in a place where people will have to walk through them or around.

The social structure of chavs can be greatly compared that of a Meercat. Often hanging out in groups of about 4-20 sometimes with one on the lookout for pigs. Despite acting hard and agressive making sounds such as "aare yuu startin bellend" or "aaare'll smash uur edd in" they are surprisingly timid creatures and unless they heavily outnumber you for example 20 to 1 they will usually just "scarper" at the first sign of conflict.

The first sign of this epidemic was in Chatham in kent where parents noticed their children becoming deformed, voices changing, skin becoming greasy and sense of fashion slowly degrading. Slowly it crept across the country now the whole of Britain is knee deep in "bellsniffs".

Chav 1: Ere mate i banged a rite fit bird last night

chav 2: Ye m8 but my bellend is like 2x bigga than uurs init
(stupid hand motion)

Chav 1: Screw u ya nobhead u aint even got a belend.
(man walks past them into the shop)

Chav 1: wat u fink u duin bellsniff?

Chav 2: Yea u queermo u gotta a prikin problem?

(man turns around and looks at them)

Chav 1: Scarpa!

(Chavs run off and after 15 minuits stop in a bus shelter)

Chav 1: arrrrr that pussi wo rite shittin imself

Chav 2: Yemate!

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emo

Wondering what an emo is? simply picture this... a teenager aged from 12 to 17 (usually look about 7-9) who have either black, red, purple or other weird colour of hair, usually in a slanted 45 degree angle across the face who actually enjoy reading depressing poetry, hating life, wearing black and stripy clothes(kind of copying moshers), standing completely still at gigs and forming bands with no sense of rhythm or originality. Also, women emo's sometimes aspire to look like a man as to seriously embarrass anyone meeting them who can't figure out what sex they are... they tend to only hang around with other emos or try to hang around with moshers and hate anybody who does not see the world through their selfish, ungrateful pussy eyes.

P.S. Be carefull, if encountering emo or listening to emo conversation cover your ears and run as they usually enjoy pointless unfunny randomness which to us sounds like the insane ramblings of a mental patient who quickly realized that boiling water is hot. But to them it serves as almost a complex second language in which they can have in depth conversations about how much they hate being like others that's why they're emos and how those africans are all starving like dirty conformists.

emo boy: hey there monkey fish

emo girl: Nola my funky sadnessfriend

emo boy: I've got 2 tickets to go see slit my wrists mass dyeing suicide would you like to go caeser chicken salad face?

emo girl: sure i've had the urge to stand around for 2 hours completely still listening to music that sounds like all the other bullshit bands i like.

emo boy: thats good then maybe afterwards we can read some poetry and make sure we look and smell the same as all the other non-conforming emos

emo girl: that sounds awesome gorilla banana Julius

emo boy:fishmonger boats horizon

(carries on in endless loop until one needs to top up on eyeliner)

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