oregon

1. California's fifth largest county.
2. Home of the world’s tallest trailer, rain, the loudest chain saw, rain, the largest spruce-bark canoe, and more rain.
3. Place where mighty college mascots are a beaver and a duck.
4. Place where disgruntled “southern” Californians from the Bay Area, tired of freedom and proud of their very tiny miniscule carbon footprints, reside in perfect blissful intolerance with the other player hater, ecofascism, tweaker, drugslut, hedonist hippies.

Memo to other Oregon definition writers: THIS IS NOT A TRAVEL GUIDE…SO STOP LYING!!!

Consider the Oregon County Credo: “When people attempt to rebel against the iron laws of nature, they come into conflict with the very same principles to which they owe their existence as human beings. Their actions against nature must lead to their own downfall.” (Mein Kampf, Adolf Hitler, 1925)

Disguised as grandparents, rich preppy snobs, techno-wankers, and assorted corporate suckups, they feed upon the blood of the free and fun-loving, by passing laws that force you to have a certified professional pump your gas, a city planner to make you take care of your property a certain way, and 10 times the number of bike racks needed for each private business. Hairy-armpit-hos, showerless emo-grungers, and wigged out wookie stooges continuously protest against freedom, much to the approval of the corporations in the service industry and the blood-sucking we-know-whats-good-for-you-bullies. Their pending legislation and lack of infrastructure development will soon force car owners to either drive a Yugo-type hybrid or subjugate themselves to mass transit and living in 2 bedroom townhomes.

The native Oregonian is practically extinct due to the massive influx of rodent-like sheep-people that spawn like rabbits and take advantage of the laws that extend health care, day care, hair care, bus fair and any other right not covered in any constitution anywhere. My family has lived in Oregon for three generations and I will be leaving for good once I graduate from High School.

Oregon used to be a nice place to live now out of my way so I can get out of here!

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