Haji Mart

A convenience store and/or gas station owned by anyone of Middle Eastern or Indian ethnicity.

I'll be right back, I've got to run down to the Haji Mart and get some chips and soda and fill up the car.

11👍 6👎

Fugheddaboudit

Forget about it. It ain't gonna happen. I think not. No way, Jose. The answer is...no. Not likely.

"If he thinks I'm paying this bill when it was his fault the car died, he's got another thing coming. Fugheddaboudit!

19👍 5👎

Computer Time

That warp in the space-time continuum that happens when you get on the computer "for a few minutes" to check your email and the next time you look at the clock, it's 4 hours later. Similar to what happened to people in the movie "Looker".
Also akin to the NFL minute.

Man: "Honey, I'll be up for dinner in a few minutes, I've got to check my email."

Woman: "You said that last night. By the time you check your email, read the headlines, check your stocks, play Zuma, look for car parts on eBay, watch a few YouTube videos and download music to your iPod, it'll be midnight! A few minutes in 'computer time' is like a few years in dog years!"

Man: "True dhat!"

5👍 2👎

Functified

A condition of being dirty, nasty, filthy and unsanitary.

I need to go home to use the restroom, that ladies' room at the Wal-Mart was functified. It should be condemned by the board of health.

1👍 3👎

Fuckit List

Opposite of Bucket List, which is the things you want to do before you die, a Fuckit List is a list of things you don't want to do and in fact, would rather die than do. The jobs are usually tedious, boring, redundant and pointless.
Fuckit List:

1. Clean the garage.
2. Clean the gutters.
3. Install new toilet.
4. Strip and wax basement floor.
5. Remove poison ivy from back wall of garage.

6. Scrub garbage can.

Wife: "Honey, did you remember to reseal the driveway?"
Husband, watching ball game on TV: "I'll get to it.."
Friend: "Is that on your 'Honey-Do List'?"
Husband: "No, it's on my Fuckit List...it ain't gettin' done in this lifetime!"

253👍 126👎

Vehicular Hypochondria

A mechanical condition where your car leaks fluids, blows smoke, and makes horrible noises...until you take it to the shop and the mechanic can't find anything wrong with your vehicle. After spending $45 an hour for a diagnostic check which revealed nothing, the vehicle runs perfect.

Customer: "The Check-Engine Light and Service Engine Soon Light both came on. I smelled a burning smell, like something electrical. Then there was this grinding noise on the right side."

Mechanic: "I drove it around for 30 minutes and I didn't hear or smell anything. If you notice anything, bring it back and we'll deduct the price of today's service from the repair."

Customer: "I think my car's suffering from Vehicular Hypochondria! I swear it sounded like it was going to die! Now it's perfect. Go figure!"

1👍 17👎

Schkeevatz

Dirty person. Seedy. Slutty. Low-class. Trashy. Filthy. Whorish. Skank.

She's a tramp, a schkeevatz; low class.