Vehicular Hypochondria

A mechanical condition where your car leaks fluids, blows smoke, and makes horrible noises...until you take it to the shop and the mechanic can't find anything wrong with your vehicle. After spending $45 an hour for a diagnostic check which revealed nothing, the vehicle runs perfect.

Customer: "The Check-Engine Light and Service Engine Soon Light both came on. I smelled a burning smell, like something electrical. Then there was this grinding noise on the right side."

Mechanic: "I drove it around for 30 minutes and I didn't hear or smell anything. If you notice anything, bring it back and we'll deduct the price of today's service from the repair."

Customer: "I think my car's suffering from Vehicular Hypochondria! I swear it sounded like it was going to die! Now it's perfect. Go figure!"

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Schkeevatz

Dirty person. Seedy. Slutty. Low-class. Trashy. Filthy. Whorish. Skank.

She's a tramp, a schkeevatz; low class.

Church Police

People you know from church, but are not really friends with outside of church. They notice you at Wal-Mart on Sunday afternoon after you skipped church that day and approach you to announce that they missed you in church, expecting either a doctor's note or an explanation as to where you were.

Wife: "Shoot! I ran into the Church Police while I was at Wal-Mart."
Husband: "Who was it?"
Wife: "Betty and George."
Husband: "Did they say anything?"
Wife: "Yeah. 'We missed you today at church.'"
Husband: "What'd you say?"
Wife: "One of the kids was sick."

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Studies show

A term used to validate some erroneous claim. Usually the sources of the "studies" are not revealed. People will use the anonymous "studies" as some sort of statistical evidence.

Studies show that a person's level of happiness is directly linked to his or her involvement in community service.

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Shower in a can

Any spray body deodorant used to cover B.O. like, Axe body spray. Using said product instead of taking a shower.

Hey, guys, you're choking me to death spray that Shower In A Can! Why don't y'all just wash your funky butts?! You're not fooling anybody. You still stink, only now you smell like butt crack and flowers!

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SPONGE

SPONGE- Society for the Prevention Of Niggers Getting Everything

Affirmative Action, my ass! I'm calling my local chapter of SPONGE. I'm sick to death of Section 8, welfare, food stamps, free lunch, Title I, and the United Negro College Fund. It's high time whitey got some bennies.

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Church of Saturday Saints and Sunday Sinners

Catholic. You go to church on Saturday night, get your church on. Then Sunday start your new week of debauchery and sinful living. Spoof on The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

Michelle to her co-worker: "I'd like to invite you to church this Sunday."

Betty: "Thank You, what church do you go to?"

Michelle: "It's the Church of Latter-Day Saints."

Betty: "Oh, I used to go to the Church of Saturday Saints and Sunday sinners! We had bingo, spaghetti suppers with a beer garden, wine with Communion. You go to church Saturday night, look all churchy, then the next day go back to being you! Come next Saturday, get reset to zero again."

Michelle: "Oh, never mind then..."

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