Fortubately

Having the good fortune of being able to masturbate. A comination of fortunately and masturbate.

I saw this hot chick on my way home and fortubately got to work on myself since my roommate wasn't home when I got there.

text impediment

Texting the wrong word or wrong letter within the word, creating a different meaning. Usually occurs from texting too quickly or due to an altered mental state.

Girl: I'm taking pictures of the waterfall you will love. They're wonderflu!

Boy: I just got over a bad case of wonderflu myself.

Girl: You're a bully. Making fun of little kids with text impediments.