DonTcare

DONald Trump-Care. (pron. "Don-T-Care") The Republican "replacement" for Obamacare. Hey--it's the plan that doesn't give a shit about you, your health, or your bank account (except for emptying it and handing it over to rich folks).

I have no health insurance. I have DonTcare--"The Closest Thing to Nothing"

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Phoneto

A photograph taken with your smartphone.

I can't believe how good a phoneto you just uploaded. What kind of phone did you use to shoot it?

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skidmark

TV ad that stays onscreen during the entire program.

TV advertisers started with logo bugs, moved on to pharts and then graduated to skidmarks. Next, they'll move the program down to one corner of the screen and run continual ads over the remaining 90%.

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videophart

An unstoppable video that begins on a Web page, no matter what your browser settings for video auto-play are, and can only be stopped manually. The most insidious versions can't be stopped at all.

CNN has started using videopharts. Doesn't matter how you set your browser, they load and begin playing automatically until you manually shut them off.

Aspirin between my knees

To make some phenomenal gaffe or faux pas, similar to putting your foot in your mouth.

Man, I really put the aspirin between my knees yesterday. I told Jen that her new dress made her look fat.

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asstorrhoid

A hemorrhoid the size of a meteor. And twice as hot.

I can't go horseback riding with you tomorrow, dude.

Why not?

Asstorrhoids.

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deranged

What happens to vaqueros who leave the prairie too quickly.

Jorge galloped off the ranch an' got hisself deranged. Boy's brain was plumb pasturized. Too mas loco weed, pendejo.

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