videophart

An unstoppable video that begins on a Web page, no matter what your browser settings for video auto-play are, and can only be stopped manually. The most insidious versions can't be stopped at all.

CNN has started using videopharts. Doesn't matter how you set your browser, they load and begin playing automatically until you manually shut them off.

deranged

What happens to vaqueros who leave the prairie too quickly.

Jorge galloped off the ranch an' got hisself deranged. Boy's brain was plumb pasturized. Too mas loco weed, pendejo.

18👍 16👎

asstorrhoid

A hemorrhoid the size of a meteor. And twice as hot.

I can't go horseback riding with you tomorrow, dude.

Why not?

Asstorrhoids.

8👍 2👎

Texbook

Any school textbook that filters reality through a fancifully enthusiastic neo-conservative agenda.

Copping a page from the Iranian Playbook, the Texas Board of Education removed Thomas Jefferson from Texbooks because he believed in the separation of church and state.

18👍 4👎

The Knecht Effect

The Knecht Effect describes the statistical certainty that, if one has many possessions, at least one will always be in a state of disrepair. In other words -- something always needs fixing. The underlying math is simple, being based on expansion of the binomial (a + b)^n, where "a" represents the probability of something being in good working order, "b" is the probability of it needing to be fixed (note that a + b = 1.0), and "n" is the number of possessions one owns.

(named after the research psychologist, William R. Knecht (pronounced like "connect"), who first noted the phenomenon)

As I got older, I became a victim of the Knecht Effect. I owned so much stuff that at least one thing was always broken, and I was spending half my life getting stuff fixed.

9👍 6👎

DonTcare

DONald Trump-Care. (pron. "Don-T-Care") The Republican "replacement" for Obamacare. Hey--it's the plan that doesn't give a shit about you, your health, or your bank account (except for emptying it and handing it over to rich folks).

I have no health insurance. I have DonTcare--"The Closest Thing to Nothing"

14👍 13👎

Phoneto

A photograph taken with your smartphone.

I can't believe how good a phoneto you just uploaded. What kind of phone did you use to shoot it?

10👍 3👎