Texbook

Any school textbook that filters reality through a fancifully enthusiastic neo-conservative agenda.

Copping a page from the Iranian Playbook, the Texas Board of Education removed Thomas Jefferson from Texbooks because he believed in the separation of church and state.

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The Knecht Effect

The Knecht Effect describes the statistical certainty that, if one has many possessions, at least one will always be in a state of disrepair. In other words -- something always needs fixing. The underlying math is simple, being based on expansion of the binomial (a + b)^n, where "a" represents the probability of something being in good working order, "b" is the probability of it needing to be fixed (note that a + b = 1.0), and "n" is the number of possessions one owns.

(named after the research psychologist, William R. Knecht (pronounced like "connect"), who first noted the phenomenon)

As I got older, I became a victim of the Knecht Effect. I owned so much stuff that at least one thing was always broken, and I was spending half my life getting stuff fixed.

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RGP

Rich Guy Propaganda. A principle of life that every educated person needs to know--that Rich Guys use the principles of propaganda to fool the gullible into thinking that what's good for the rich is good for them.

Notice how, during every election, Rich Guys repackage trickle-down economics and try to sell it all over again? It's nothing but RGP bullshit, lipstick on the same old, greedy pig.

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Fido's Law

Dogs expand to fill the sofa available.

Mutt: Dude--I can't sit down. Your sofa's completely covered with dogs.

Jeff: Fido's Law, man.

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Theory of Maximum Foolishness

The world will arrange itself to make you--personally--feel maximally foolish.

Murphy's Law is a subset of the Theory of Maximum Foolishness. ML says "Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong." Often, that is true. However, the TOMF says that if something can go RIGHT that would make you look MORE foolish, then that is what will happen.

For example, ML predicts that bread will always fall butter-side down. But, if I TELL YOU it will fall butter-side down, when I go to actually SHOW YOU, the bread will fall butter-side up, making me feel maximally foolish.

The TOMF is true, but neither verifiable nor falsifiable to others because, whatever conditions you establish to test it, only YOU will know if the result made you feel maximally foolish. Of course it will, but only you will know that.

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Postaholic

An attention-seeker who compulsively, addictively blogs or posts to a social networking site many times a day.

Sarah's a postaholic. Six, seven times a day she pathetically pukes out where she is, what she's eating, what she's watching on TV. Who gives a flying fork?

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holey relic

An old and worn-out, but cherished, piece of clothing.

Don't you dare throw out my AC/DC t-shirt. It's a holey relic!

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