UVA

An overrated liberal arts school located in central Virginia, UVa was founded by slave-owner and womanizing adulterer Thomas Jefferson in 1819 -- seven years prior to his death, and in declining mental health. UVa has flourished since its creation, boasting not only the integrity and adherence to each and every one of its founders personal tenets, but also the dissemination of self-assurance, elitism and lazy thinking. Today, UVa's student body is comprised mostly of over-privileged, cocksure trustfund babies who haven't the vaguest idea of what hard work really is. UVa boasts a top-notch medical school, law school and business school; often, the medical and law schools are referred to as "the sequestered bastions of hard work at UVa." While not entirely accurate, the number of UVa undergrads who lean on the prestige of their medical and law schools are indeed multitudinous. Moreover, the undergrads who espouse this elitist mentality and constantly evoke UVa's academic prestige to placate irrepressible feelings of insecurity, confusion, and even sexual inadequacy, are, ironically, people who could never gain admission to either their law school or medical school -- regardless of how many pairs of loafers or khaki shorts they own.

UVa student: Ah yes, I matriculated to the University of Virginia -- one of the premier academic institutions in America. I see by the garish colors that don your person that you're either a fan of Virginia Tech or an alumnus. Indeed, the latter of the two is probably just as easy as the first since the requirements can be met by any country bumpkin. Although generally laconic, I feel that because of the aforementioned reasons I must be exceedingly verbose so as to impart to you my perceived greater importance. What's more ...

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