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The act of shooting a hefty cumshot across the room and getting some on the tv and passing out before cleaning, resulting in a nice jizz crust cover that would need to be chiseled out if left long enough
T-Rex: bro, I saw the best porn last night. Sware my load hit the fucking ceiling fan and splattered everywhere.
Big Easy: remind me to never visit you. Did you clean the tv?
T-Rex: I didnât clean Shit. No clue where it went.
Big Easy: here (hands over a jack hammer) you will need this. Take these also (hands him 4 beers), have fun ice scraping.
When you havenât seen your significant other in a long time so you wait for him/her with open arms and your cock flopping around in the wind waiting to release the build up of splooge all over their face or tits.
Tyrant: I hate the fact that my girlfriend lives on campuss cause I never bang and always have to wack my lil pecker.
Big Easy: when she cums home you should throw her a nice welcum reception and shower her with tiny little pearly white gifts!
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The act of murdering the nostrils of many people in a crowded area by placing a big gulp filled with asparagus piss and a frozen shit log in a low key spot and allowing the musTURD gas to thaw. If done in an enclosed area, should result in roughly 11-19 people throwing up in less than an hour after placement.
Tyrant: What you do this weekend?
Big Easy: I am going to hell. I assassurinated like 50-60 people at Toy Story 4 yesterday.
Tyrant: The fuck is that?
Big Easy: I placed a 17 inch deuce into a 42 oz big gulp slushy full of asparagus piss and placed right under the seat in the third row. It was horrific. So much puke. It was all fun and games until 6 year old's were puking on their infant siblings, and the parents were pushing chunks from the sight and smell of it all. Gonna be hard to whack off tonight.
The act of putting your penis into your own ass (or vagina in the rare case your are born with both) and pounding away against your own will.
Man: (sobbing) I got moleincested last night.
Friend: What does that mean? What happened?
Man: Well, last night I was really drunk and passed out. Woke up to me drilling my own asshole.
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When your friend, roommate, sibling, offspring, etc...are so drunk or high, they sound like they are getting raped while they masturbate in the other room.
Tyrant: yo, i just bought you a rape kit on amazon prime. I donât know how you are feeling, but itâs the least I could do. Iâm sorry.
Big Easy: the f you talking about?
Tyrant: I know you got raped last night. I heard it threw the rapevine.
The act of telling a chick you are going to rape them, but then say afterwards "April Fools!"
...but then you actually rape them.
tyrant: I havn't been laid in a minute dawg
Big East: Today is a good day if any to play a Rapril Fools joke on some skanky twat.
Tryant: What is that? I pop out of the bushes with a knife and yell you're gonna get raped, then tell them April Fools?
Big Easy: Yea. Then you rape them.
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Another name for your penis when you are too young to produce any sexual fluids that only air comes out when your masturbate.
Mike: I think the first time I jacked it I was like 13-14 years old.
Marty: Really?! I wacked off at 8. Only air came out though. No jizz.
Mike: I knew you had a tiny air cumpressor.