Orb Fondling

that time traitor-fuckface donald trump went to Saudi Arabia

Marcy was scrolling the internet and came across a news item about Trump being in-debt to Saudi Arabia, which showed a pic of TFG holding a glowing ball. She called to her roommate, Diane, to come over. "Di, WTF? that looks like a seance!" and Di replied, "no, hon. that's Orb Fondling." they both laughed and went to lunch.

Faulty Walnut

dysfunctional prostate

Bob was having trouble peeing and, after a physical showed high PSA levels, his doc broke the news. “you have prostate cancer but it’s very treatable.” Bob went home and told wife Barb about his faulty walnut.

Covid Cootie-cross

when someone approaching you crosses the street to avoid contagion

Karla was walking and talking to mom on her cell and noticed a dude who crossed to the other side. "OMG mama this guy just did a Covid Cootie-cross on me!"

Shmessy

messy shade

Kenya brought Cookie Lady to lunch to ambush Tanya about her about the boyfriend's dalliances. "that's some fucked up Shmessy, girl" Cynthia said, which then caused a fight with Kenya.

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blue douche

after Election Day 2018 when America partially rid itself of incompetent racist complicit cheating republicans

2018's Midterm Elections' Blue Tsunami was actually a blue douche where a good portion GOP fuckers were flushed out for a new Democratic congress

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beaver that pickle

when your father nibbles the seeds and discards the rind

Larry finished his deli sandwich and picked up the pickle spear; instead of eating the whole thing he decided to beaver that pickle and gnaw the seeds out

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Dark Garland

Attorney General Merrick Garland’s alter ego

One day after transnational mobster and criminal The Former Guy demanded DOJ release the warrant to search his Florida shithole, Dark Garland stepped to the podium and said “I’ve authorized release of the warrant so America can see how royally fucked you are. your move, traitor”