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impressive penis pics from Jeff Bezos sent to his lover, Lauren Sanchez
An alert popped up on Lauren's phone one morning that she thought was an eggplant; when she opened it Lauren realized she'd just received an very impressive Prime Meat Text from Bezos, Amazon's Founder.
4π 2π
like crocodile tears but from a lying asshole
in recent testimony, Brett said he was super sure he's never sexually assaulted anyone and started phony kavanaugh tears when realizing his dream to get on the supreme court was going down the shitter.
51π 24π
broke-ass mobster donald j trump
Don Poorleone was trending on Twitter because Casino Mobster is getting sued to oblivion and can't even rub two nickles together
Tucker Carlson's grimaced look every night on Fox News.
Tucker Carlson was interviewing Glenn Greenwald on Fixed Noise with resting constipation face as they both slammed Hillary for sending some email.
29π 3π
Gay roommates Carl & Tim were sitting around watching the news, learning that Jarvanka wasn't totally truthful about their 1/6 testimony. Carl turned to Tim and said, "that Jared Kushner needs to be bent over a bannister and plowed by a BBC." Tim agreed, saying "Bannister Boy. absolutely"
Fossil fuel Petroligarchs hellbent on wrecking the planet
In a recent well-heeled klan rally at MobALago, donny trump asked fossil-fuel executives for campaign cash, and the Polluticrats were poised and ready to deliver the cash... probably in plastic bags to a mob fixer.
horrified Zoom attendees forced to watch Jeff Toobin jerk off
Jane attended virtual staff meeting on Zoom and noticed a strange action happening in one of the boxes. Just then she spotted Jeffrey Toobin massaging his trouser snake and was about to reach climax. "OMFG did you see that?" she texted her work pal. "We just got Me Toobin'ed! Gross!"