Eva Brawny

interchangeable name for female spouses of fascist Qpublican men

Jocelynn was watching the news and saw Melanoma Trump flash by the screen. "oh shit, there goes Eva Brawny again." her roommate Carol chimed in and said "wait, hode up: I thought that was Kim Guilfoyle?" Jocelynn, not missing a beat, retorted "well, Eva Brawny broadly applies to any wife of a male fascist. Casey DeSantis, who is corrupt AF just like Ronald, is the latest one"

Wrath of Khwax

what falls out after severe-ear occlusion

Jamie was painfully clogged in one ear and decided to take matters in his own hands. He jumped in the shower and sprayed the handheld nozzle in his ear. just then he felt a dislodging and something brown and globby fell to the shower floor. He screamed out to roommate Barry "OH MY GOD THAT'S LIKE SOMETHING FROM WRATH OF KHAN!!" Barry, grossed out, stopped eating his bowl of cereal and shouted back "Wrath of Khwax yes I've had a few of those"

Fly Girl Pence

What Mike Pence turns into after a fly lands on his head during VP debates

repressed stuck-up Christian Mike Pence—JC Penney catalog-idea of almost-handsome—debated Kamala Harris and had a house fly land on his head. When the fly's regurgitation interacted with Pence's hairspray he instantly transformed into Fly Girl Pence; filed for divorce from Karen; and admitted being in a long-term affair with a fella named Eduardo.

3👍 1👎

What brings you on?

that douchey, passive-aggressive Tinder question

after exchanging niceties and compliments with his new match, Bartholomew saw the dreaded "What brings you on?" pop up in his Tinder chat with Beatrice. "my fucking god," he thought, "why do people ask that dumb fucking question? what brings me on? I used my fingers swiping an app that probably sells my location data. fuck off, lady" and he immediately unmatched

5👍 3👎

Handy Five-fetus

Anti-choice nutbag hoarding "bio-hazard" material

The Former Guy DOJ official and Federalist Society member, David Morrell, owns a Washington, D.C., house whose tenant, Lauren Handy, got busted storing fetuses in a cooler. reached for comment the woman said "omg they're gonna freak when they find out about my Handy Five-fetus"

Bragging Cunt

when your best pal is SO proud of being cunty to you he brags about it after

After Carl made fun of Finnegan for being bald he exclaimed "wow I got you good I'm like SO awesome at this" to which Finnegan replied "wow you're like a special breed of Bragging Cunt"

6👍 2👎

punching the ghost

Jorgeous signature dance move

when Jorgeous was worried about tanking Snatch Game on Ru Paul’s Drag Race she knew a lipsync was coming. “no worries mama. I have my punching the ghost move!”