dystopian hipster theme park

the subtitle for Detroit, Michigan for the last twenty plus years. Also where professional athletes who's teams get blown out / routed in the early rounds of their respective league playoffs go to drown their sorrows.

Welcome to Detroit, your dystopian hipster theme park getaway ! Just look up every once in awhile to avoid being hit by falling broken concrete or rusted out steel beams.

Commercial Voice Over : Hey Joe Blow, your team just got the shit kicked out of it in the first round of the playoffs. What are you gonna do next ?
Joe Blow : Well I sure as hell ain't going to Disneyland now, am I ? Guess I'll head me over to the dystopian hipster theme park and smoke me some crack and chug cheap-ass wine !

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nowhere in particular

phrase derived from author James Howard Kunstler's influential work 'The Geography Of Nowhere' which, like similar tomes with a social conscience (e.g., 'Fast Food Nation', 'Bowling Alone', et al), challenged Americans to reassess the plight of their urban/suburban landscapes, especially since the end of World War Two. What Kunstler found was a terrain blighted by shopping and strip malls, fast food restaurants, twelve lane super highways, shoddily constructed business and residential developments or what he referred to as 'cartoon architecture'.

Bill : say Tom, where are you living these days ?
Tom : oh, out on 197th Mile Rd. in Paradise County, just east of the Rolling Meadows gated community, adjacent to a Chuckie Cheese's and Major Magic's Pizza Revue, in between the 467th and 468th exit and on ramps to the eighteen lane Interstate, right behind the Wonderland strip mall, right next to a nature band-aid consisting of wood chips and one-foot tall shrubs.
Bill : Wow. In other words, nowhere in particular.
Tom : That's right ! Ain't this country great !

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loser collector

akin to creep magnet; someone for whom, no matter what they try to consciously avoid, always wind up, one way or another, with the same bunch of chumps, dorks, dweebs, idiots, morons, pussys, yutzes, et al as unwanted acquaintances, no matter where they go to school, what job they work, or what city they live in.

Me : hey, wanna see my collection of losers ? I've been an avid loser collector for years, often without even trying, it seems. I even tried to unload them all on Craigslist a few times, but no one seems to be in the market for losers. Go figure.

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sky pappy

another name for God.

He be my pappy and he be livin' in the sky, so's he be my sky pappy !

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suck it 'til you fuck it

similar to fake it 'til you make it; the art of brown nosing, ass kissing, cozying up to and plain out and out sycophanting some one or some group until you score that desired prize, achieve that goal, realize that golden dream.

I so badly wanted to attend Harvard University that I got the Ivy League Directory, looked up Harvard grads living in my area, called several of them up, sweet talked my way into the life of the one most easily flattered by my egregious flattery, wined and dined him, ran all sorts of errands, and became, in effect, his kept boy. Upon his connections and letter of recommendation, I gained admission - whereupon I dropped his ass and never saw him again. Suck it 'til you fuck it !

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fart spliff

the art of lighting your cigarette or joint by ignited fart gas instead of regular lighter or match.

Butthead : say Beav, I'm bored - let's do a circle jerk.
Beavis : Nah, we did that last night.
Butthead : Okay, than let's do a fart spliff.
Beavis : Alright - I've got a doobie and a lighter and since you just ate a whole pizza with onions, pepperoni and beans, pull your pants down and bend over.
Butthead : duh, are you gonna fuck me ?
Beavis : Naw, I'm gonna light your farts and then light this spliff with the emitting gas.
Butthead : Makes sense. Cool !

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man boobs

what often happens to men who workout with barbells, dumbbells, free weights, nautilus, et al over long periods of time. The testosterone enzyme increases with the added muscle mass they develop, but so do their estrogen levels to keep a proper balance, such that they develop breasts (and buttocks) akin to females who produce this enzyme naturally.

Tina : I would date Bruce, but he has such noticeable man boobs from all those years of working out. And now they sag somewhat - gross !
Me : sez you ! You're as old as he is, and your boobs are beginning to sag, too.
Tina : yes, but mine are natural - and I wear a bra.

Me : well, buy him a bra, too and when you both are having sex, just make sure he wears it .

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