not my monkey, not my circus

this phrase is used when friends or family are discussing other peoples drama and/or trying to get involved in said drama.

Mike: i can't believe that joe's wife is trying to break up their sons relationship with his girlfriend.
John: well, i hope they can work it out instead
Mike: i think we should call Mike and try to talk him out of this very bad decision, maybe we could help fix this situation

John: hey look dude, its not my monkey, not my circus. I'm not getting involved in that shitshow domestic problem

59👍 19👎

Street Darts

Used hypodermic needles discarded in the street. Usually found in most large cities, in and around parks, subway stations and homeless encampments

Mike: lets take the kids to that park downtown next to the museum.

Cristine: ok, great!! They'll love it. It'll be fun.

Mike: they will have a lot of fun, but we have to be careful they don't pick up any street darts left by the junkies.

Cristine: maybe we should take the kids to a cleaner park then?

8👍 14👎

peelin paper

when you're paying for something at the local ghetto corner store, thumbing thru hella large bills, which have come from drug transactions, looking for a small bill to pay for your malt drink

tyrone: get me a malt, blood

jamal: ok, let me pull da wad
(starts thumbing thru $50 and $100's at a frantic pace)

tyrone: damn, jamal, you be peelin paper for a minute

jamal: hell yeah, blood

1👍 14👎

Don't know, don't care

Response to a question that has nothing to do with the story you are telling at the time the question is asked.

John: I can't believe that Dave caught his girlfriend with his roommate.

Mike: did she ever get hired by that high tech company??
John: don't know, don't care. Dave is going to have to dump her sneaky ass.

32👍 15👎

Painters cologne

The smell of alcohol on a person who works in the trades. Comes from the assumption most painters are alcoholics. This works for any blue collar worker that drinks heavily

Me: what the hell is taking so long with my painter??

John: why, is he taking a long time?

Me: well, he's been in that one room all afternoon.

John: you should check to see if he's wearing painters cologne.

Me: he did have a couple of drinks at lunch.

5👍 12👎

Blue robe day

Any day off that is planned in advance. These days can be used to run errands, visit friends with different work schedules than you or just lounging around the house in your robe.

These days are best utilized on Fridays and Monday's, however taking one on a Wednesday is a nice mid work week break.

All employers will discourage use of these days.

Mike: I have a lot to do this coming Monday. I think I will take a blue robe day
Scott: ummm....ok? Isn't that like calling in sick?
Mike: yes, but I plan on getting a lot done tomorrow.

11👍 17👎

Trial size

When a man, very short, has an incredible case of "short mans complex". After arguing with said man throwing the term trial size at him, referring to his stature, should really drive home the point he's short.

Short man: hey, schmuck, move your car forward, I can't get into my driveway!!

Me: sorry, I'll move right now

Short man: you'd better!!!

Me: alright, calm down, trial size. I already said I'd move it.

11👍 10👎