duck 'n' mumble

The old "duck 'n' mumble is an age old technique for avoiding any one who seeks to interupt you in your never ending quest to buy shite from shops. For instance, Big Issue sellers, strange middle #age women with clip boards who "only need a minute love", or the vultures from the compensation companies.
Basically, you bow the head slightly, perhaps with a look away from the idiot in question, and mumble an apology.

{Big Issue Joey}: Biiiiiiiiiiig Isssssue saaar?
{You, giveing the old duck 'n' mumble, and talking in a barely legible way}:*mumble* no thanks mate* *mumble

This can be replaced with "I'm too busy", "Sorry mate", or a personal favourite, "Piss off"

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Bag of Fannies

That which is unpleasant, or a mess. So called for the mental image of a collection of fannies, perhaps belonging to the elderly or lose of morals.
Also applied to that which shapes badly.

Stan: I'm sorry Ollie, I just can't get it right.
Ollie: Jesus wept man, you shape like a bag of fannies.

Taken from an inital write of Laurel and Hardy's "Sons of the Desert"

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Star's Beard

A quasi-mythical entity, often spoken about, but rarely seen.

"My god man," exclaimed the doctor, "A cure would be as rare as Star's Beard".

(Taken fromFly Fishing By J.R Hartly)

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fit of oooh

The feeling that overwhelms people, particularly men, when they see something that looks "time saving" (the coffee perculator) ; "interesting" (any ammount of crap, typically film memorabillia); the sort of thing that will complete their life (e.g The Star Wars 15th Box set, Directors Cut with extra deleted scenes (why? if they were any good they wouldn't have been deleted)); or something from their childhood (e.g a transformer that they didn't buy aged 5, which they now have a disposable income for (damn you ebay))

Trevor hated ebay but couldn't help him self. Everypage was a fit of oooh

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