Simon

Simon, usually a guy who grows a beard and has hairy mole man feet. His best friend is called John. He pronounces his name Siiiiiggghmon and drives a white Beamer. He has fathered >16 children with eight baby mamas.

Example:
Girl: I’m having Simon‘s baby...!
Girl 2: Me too!

Anxious woman: Why does that baby have such hairy feet?!
Old biddy: Ohhh, that’s a Simon!