insurance

Insurance is a genus of parasitic leech. The leech typically begins life as a billboard, or a TV or youtube ad that you can skip in 5...4...3...2...1. When it fails to draw you into it's trap, it attaches itself to things which you need, such as a car. After it has embedded itself onto your auto loan agreement, it begins to drink all of the Washington's in your wallet, waiting for the day that you fuck up, so that it can make up an excuse to drink more Washington's from your wallet.

"My insurance paid to have my bumper fixed!"

One Month Later...

"My insurance went up by 20%!"

Rose

A rose, by any other name, is a weed, which is typically given to a woman in February, in exchange for sexual favors. The rose may also be given at other times of the year, when a man feels that it is time to pretend that he was wrong in exchange for make-up sexual favors. This species of weed is related to the cactus, in that it has deadly spikes on its' stem, but dissimilar from canibus in that it offers no fun in consumption, and your annoying, stoner coworkers don't profess their love for it incessantly. A rose starts life as a seed, just like your sorry ass did, which becomes a bud, then, finally, a rose. At this point, the weed is violently removed from the rest of its' body, and shoved into a glass jar to suffer for a few days, before finally "wilting," or dying, and being thrown away by your future ex-girlfriend.

But the sex is incredible.

"I'm going to surprise Julie with a dozen roses on Friday, so that she can help me with my blue balls."

"The cat shit in the rose bush again."