Brain Clog

When someone asks you a simple question and for no reason at all you have to replay the question in your head, think about it for a second and then come up with the answer.

This can occur when you are either immersed in something else, or just so bored that your brain has decided to take a nap.

Often affects people on medication, alcohol or illegal drugs, but can happen to anyone.

"Dude, was it you that left the gerbil in the fridge?"

"Wha' . . . Ger'um'ah, yeah."

"What the hell have you been smoking? He's shaking like a head-knocker."

"Um . . . your stash. Sorry man got a little Brain Clog today."

Oreo Cheese

The centre layer of an Oreo Cookie left several years past it's sell by date. Depending on where stored you can end up with it smelling a bit like cheese.

"I just moved in and found some really old Oreos on top of the fridge, they stank of Oreo Cheese though!"

8👍 8👎

Genetic Engineering

Often misunderstood as a bad thing because of bad coverage in the press, it is in fact very useful. To engineer something you need to map an organism's DNA and then discover which genes have which effect. Then map another organism's DNA and implant those genes where you want the desired effect. It can be performed while a creature or plant is in it's embrionic stage, if done after there would be far too many DNA strands to alter. It could be used to create plants that would grow all year round in any county such as deserts without rain or even in antarctica and if there is water there, thoretically Mars.

"Genetic Engineering is a bad thing. I don't know what I'm talking about. I am an idiot."
Prince Charles.

110👍 47👎

Breastaliser

A drunkeness test that can be used on men, which is much cheaper than a breathaliser. All you need to do to judge how much he's had to drink is to get a girl with large boobs to ask him a question and then see how long it takes him to look up at her face and answer.

1 second is normal
2 seconds is about 3 pints
3 or more is hammered

"Dude, you look a bit drunk, I think I'd better drive."

"Nah, don't be stufid, I'm prefectly okydoke to, um, drive."

"No way man I'd better use the breastaliser on you. Michelle, get your ass over here!"

33👍 6👎

Pissing About

Not being sensible. Doing something pointless while others are trying to get things done. Or just wasting peoples time in any sense.

"James, stop pissing about! I'm trying to get a very important despatch out!"

"Don't have a go at me, Steve's not even at work today, at least I'm doing something!"

"Checking for drugs and porn in the lockers isn't helping!"

39👍 6👎

Gun Shy

Millitary slang for someone scared of confronting the enemy. Like saying coward, only it's not irrational to be scared of red hot tumbling bullets that hit you before you even see the muzzle flash.

"Christ's sake Sarge, don't team me up with Billy, he's Gun Shy! Last time we saw an Iraqi he wet himself, and it was only a woman putting out her washing!"

108👍 30👎

Danger shave

The act of attempting to shave your testicles with a standard face razor. Difficult, pointless and dangerously easy to make a mistake. Also difficult to explain what you're doing if your mum walks in.

"I had to go to hospital yesterday, had a danger shave and my hand slipped. I got four stitches!"

12👍 2👎