Blustery Bean Bag

The art of farting directly and purposefully onto your partner’s balls during sex.

Rachel my darling, as it’s our anniversary I think I deserve a blustery bean bag this evening.

The Judas Ejaculate

The act of purposely cumming in your partner’s mouth despite them asking for a warning. Bonus points for shouting Jesus Christ at the moment of climax

I asked the prick to let me know he was about to finish, but he just nutted without warning and whilst blaspheming. It’s the Judas ejaculate. There won’t be a second date.

Vampire Wanding

The act of freezing a mould of period blood into a phallic shape to then use as a dildo.

Oh Rachel my dear you do seem to have a particularly heavy flow this month. We should try that vampire wanding I keep hearing about! I’ll get the lollipop sticks.