project management

The management of projects. Typically, this is all about figuring out what's needed, working out how to satisfy that need, costing it out, doing the job and delivering the product/service or whatever.

Some say it's science, some say an art. Whatever. It keeps a lot of pencil-necks in jobs and forms the bedrock of capitalist growth through cost, time and quality controlled efforts.

If you want an example of good project management, take 5 to figure out how they built a pyramid in ancient Egypt.

Getting a shag out of Estelle requires more project management than I can conjure up. You'd need a Harvard MBA to figure out a route into her box.

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Neasden

Cultural capital of North London. Famous for its magnificent rail depot and Neasden Temple which is supposed to be the largest Hindu temple outside India. Also home to Neasden FC, one of the country's finest football clubs.

"A holiday in Neasden is better than a soapy tit wank off a porn star." (British Tourist Board, 2003)

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pork boy

1. Derogatory term for a homosexual person.

2. Derogatory term for a fat person.

"Yo, Fat Boy Tinkerbelle. I saw you with your new boyfriend - you is a pork boy, pork boy."

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milfelation

Noun. The surprising and previously unknown discovery that one experiences when it becomes clear that older women are in fact fitter and more desirable than younger women.

Patient: "I don't know what to do, doctor. I'm married to a wonderful woman, I've got a great sex life, but every time I see 45 year old Brenda at the office, I get chest pains and need to go to the toilet."

Doctor: "Oh, that's nothing too serious, normal for a chap in his twenties like you. You've obviously had a recent milfelation. Here's a prescription for '40 and Over 40', drop it in at the Fags 'n' Mags shop and you'll be back to normal before you can say ‘Women's Weekly.’"

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Ghost snot

Yet another word for jizz. This time it's the stuff that a dude leaves on his girlfriend’s face when she's asleep and he's got home late and pissed up, thinking it's a laugh. Most often first detected the morning after.

Delia (waking up): "What the fuck is this all over my face!"
Jack (very hung over): "Errrr .... ghost snot?"

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smacking the glove

Masturbation while wearing a condom.

Dude 1: "I am so bored at work today. Cover for me, I'll be smacking the glove in the restroom."
Dude 2: "Will do my man. Enjoy!"

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MWB

Memory Wank Bank (MWB). The content of a dude's head. All those pictures of chicks that a dude can call up from memory to assist in a good wanking session.

Dude 1: "D'ya see MILFy Sue bending over?"
Dude 2: "Fo shizzle, Dawg! Great ass. I could dig it!"
Dude 1: "Aye! One for the MWB."

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