milfelation

Noun. The surprising and previously unknown discovery that one experiences when it becomes clear that older women are in fact fitter and more desirable than younger women.

Patient: "I don't know what to do, doctor. I'm married to a wonderful woman, I've got a great sex life, but every time I see 45 year old Brenda at the office, I get chest pains and need to go to the toilet."

Doctor: "Oh, that's nothing too serious, normal for a chap in his twenties like you. You've obviously had a recent milfelation. Here's a prescription for '40 and Over 40', drop it in at the Fags 'n' Mags shop and you'll be back to normal before you can say ‘Women's Weekly.’"

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Ghost snot

Yet another word for jizz. This time it's the stuff that a dude leaves on his girlfriend’s face when she's asleep and he's got home late and pissed up, thinking it's a laugh. Most often first detected the morning after.

Delia (waking up): "What the fuck is this all over my face!"
Jack (very hung over): "Errrr .... ghost snot?"

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psycho chick

The Jekyll and Hyde female in her twenties.

Having left childhood behind, these chicks now battle through their twenties. Here they are buffeted between the pressures of work, drinking, boy-friend merry-go-rounds, monthly hormone attacks and the belief that their clocks are ticking.

Believe me, one day these chicks are heaven sent babes, then on the turn of a penny, the next day they are knife wielding harridans who relentlessly chant the mantra "All men are bastards ... why can't I find a boyfriend ... I'll never have babies ... I don't need a man etc."

Avoid them while in this evolving stage. Good news is they normally get their shit together sooner or later and the story does very often end happily.

Remember that every milf once was a psycho chick.

"Wow did you see that Chrissie? What a fucking psycho chick! Blob strop or what?"

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safari park chimp

The ultimate measure of wanking. So named after the kind of frantically masturbating chimps you see in zoos and safari parks.

Dude 1: "Man, I am so chick-less that I end up wanking like a safari park chimp to keep me sane!"
Dude 2: "Way to go you dirty bastard!"

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Neasden

Cultural capital of North London. Famous for its magnificent rail depot and Neasden Temple which is supposed to be the largest Hindu temple outside India. Also home to Neasden FC, one of the country's finest football clubs.

"A holiday in Neasden is better than a soapy tit wank off a porn star." (British Tourist Board, 2003)

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trawlerman's glove

Noun, British. A large, capacious, raggedy and smelly pussy. So named because of the resemblance to a well used glove as worn by a trawlerman on a deep-sea fishing boat.

Dude 1: "You seen that new girl in Accounts? She looks like a babe."
Dude 2: "Beware, Dawg. May look good but she got a minge like a trawlerman's glove."
Dude 1: "No shit! Thanks man."

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pudfucker

One who likes big women, and likes to fuck them.

"I seen your wife. She is a big, big woman. You is a pudfucker my man."

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