Mordred

A half-naked boy with oily skin (but no pimples) who speared King Arthur back in the Faerytale Era. Son of Morgan Lefay and King Arthur. Wears the coolest armor. Blood came out his mouth once Excalibur went into his lungs by way of his chest.

The shiny, glossy Mordred danced naked in the forest, hoping to attract Guinevere. Then Lancelot caught him and made him put clothes on.

Mordred took Percival to the tree.

28👍 15👎

January 1, 1970

1. When the Big Bang occured according to a Unix computer system. This date is when the first Unix computer was made operable. If you find a file that was from Wed Dec 31, 1969 on your Linux PC, you can be sure that the date on that file got knackered.

2. A date to utter when something hasn't been done in a long time, referring to the idea that January 1, 1970 is the "beginning of time". Used when something seems like it hasn't been done since the beginning of time.

1. On January 1, 1970 Unix was running on a mainframe computer.

2. Romeo:Man, you stink! When was the last time you showered?
Joliet:I took a shower on January 1, 1970.

2. The last time the gas station changed the coffee in the coffeepot on January 1, 1970.

89👍 32👎

atheist

1. Liberal Atheist: One who lobbies for freedom FROM religion instead of freedom OF religion. Throws their legal weight around to erase gods and goddesses from all aspects of the lives of Homo Sapiens. If they had a deity it would be the flag. Is a real problem and is very closed-minded to look for any diety.

2. Conservative Atheist: A peaceful person that can't notice God, perhaps because they don't want to, or because they don't see the world that way. No more of a problem to society than a properly operating Pagan.

Atheist:How can you believe in God if you cannot touch him or see him?
Christian:How can you believe in radio waves? You can't touch or see them!
Pagan:Peace dudes, we need to be nice to the environment and get along. Thor told me the moon's gonna crescent on September 13.

46👍 92👎

coprophagia

The only redeeming feature of a dog, when it recycles its food by eating its doo doo. Oh yeah, and occasional honking up of grass (the lawn kind) on the windowsill.

We filled a double layer blu-ray recordable disc with 1080p dog coprophagia.
Why don't they hurry up and make a genetically modified cat with obsessive incurable coprophagia?

11👍 18👎

Amish mud woman

When a woman, possibly really Amish, puts on a solid-colored non-printed dress and jumps into a body of water,gets out all wet, walks over to the furrow his husband just plowed by horse, and starts rolling provocatively in the loose dry soil so that the dirt sticks to her. The male equivalent is the Amish Sweat Ritual.

I just watched a video of the Amish mud woman and wanked for 20 minutes.

6👍 8👎

it takes a lickin' and it keeps on tickin'

1. A Timex slogan stating that their wristwatches could take a beating and still tell the correct time.

2. When someone in a fight in a movie is beat up more than what would cause a real person to die, yet still survives and fights back.

1. TIMEX: It takes a lickin' and it keeps on tickin'.

2. Achilles was shot several times with arrows and then I said, wow, it takes a lickin' and it keeps on tickin'. Then he got shot in his tendon.

32👍 4👎

drives to the mailbox

Describing of a person of unfathomably great laziness. Looks for every opportunity to get out of work. Even trivial chores are too much of a finger lift for them. So called because they will get into their car, turn the key, adjust the mirrors, put on their seatbelt, and drive to the mailbox that is at the end of their driveway.

My neighbor is so lazy he drives to the mailbox. It is .07 miles away.

1051👍 1009👎