infidelicacy

An “infidelicacy” is anything considered a treat or delicacy that is naturally allowed, delicious, consumable, and enjoyable by anyone except a religious fanatic who isn’t allowed to consume such delicacies AND who would call those who do, “infidels.”

While living in Saudi Arabia, the American expatriate’s favorite infidelicacy was bacon.

Fireman’s Gift

n. A big, fat, long hose packed tightly in a red Speedo.

I was suntanning in my bikini at the beach and it had been so long that my lady garden was on fire, so I called over the lifeguard and to my surprise I was greeted with a fireman’s gift.