Duck Lips

Another term for speculum, a cold, metal device used by the gynocologist to pry open and peer into your ladyparts during an pelvic exam.

"There I was, shivering in my paper gown, heels in the stirrups and trying to think of Paris, anywhere but here. And then my struggle for detachment was shattered by the icy cold introduction of the duck lips as they quacked their way into my unwilling hooha..."

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proselytute

1) A person who uses the religious beliefs of others for non-religious personal gain, ie., a politician
2) Those who go door-to-door, attempting to gain converts to their religion, i.e, a Mormon or missionary

Bob was a proselytute who hadn't seen the inside of a church since he was baptised, but he knew he could get votes by appealing to the wealthy bible-thumpers -- who'd shower him with campaign dollars if he'd just announce his "godliness" and pose for a "family values" photo shoot at the church picnic.

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