We're Number One!

The proud motto of a superior nation; the rallying decry of a country renowned for the industrial revolution, pioneers of massive advancement in medicine and developement of technological resources beyond imagination.

Well, let's see; wonder why the US has the fastest per capita COVID-19 case and death rate in the civilized world? How about failure to respond to the warnings of other countries, failure to close borders in a timely fashion in order to minimize asymptomatic spread, failure to adequately risk-assess inbound travelers, failure to have appropriate testing to trace and track infected individuals, failure to enforce national stay-at-home CDC recommendations, failure to anticipate and provide appropriate personal protective equipment...and most of all FAILURE TO TAKE THIS SHIT SERIOUSLY. Yeah, We're Number One! For all the wrong reasons...

18👍 4👎

Spag'n'Balls

A linguistic contraction for that deliciously complex fusion of pasta, tomato-based sauce and balled-up, seasoned ground meat; most effectively applied at high-end dining establishments in order to substantiate an individuals culinary sophistication.

Waiter: And for you, Sir? Have you made a decision regarding the choice of your Main Course?
Patron: Ahhh, yes...I think I'll be having the Spag'n'Balls...
Waiter: I'm sorry sir, I don't seem to find this on the menu...Ahhh, yes. On the kids menu, very well...

28👍 4👎

praying for impotence

A 'go-to plan' for the gold-diggin' woman.

Damn, I can't believe that she married someone 25 years older...
He's extremely wealthy.
Oh, I see. I'll bet she's praying for impotence...

Japanese fuck robot

Your wildest sexual fantasy realized through the magic of virtual reality, artificial intelligence and good old American pornographic addiction.

So, did I tell you that I'm getting married?
No shit! Where did you meet her?
CES; She was the Japanese fuck robot with the strange smile and strap-on feature.
Sounds like you've met your dream girl, eh?
For sure! Check out my whip marks! And she has 20 million sisters ready to serve, 24/7/365!

too big to rig

The massive Trump 2020 presidential election loss that must be demonstrated in order to preclude any meaningful chance of legal challenge.

Every eligible citizen MUST get out and vote. This one's gotta be too big to rig and too real to steal.

24👍 12👎

Incompetard

A person profoundly dysfunctional, possessing self-reinforcing characteristics of both incompetence and retarded mental capability.

She looked so promising on her resume, but after 30 seconds on the job we all knew we had hired an incompetard.

133👍 6👎

dog washer

The european bathroom, water sprayer backside-cleansing accessory used instead of toilet paper.

Ok, no paper ever again; gots me a dog washer at home...better clear than smear, eh?

16👍 4👎