expensive urine

The major result obtained pursuant to the consumption of just about every libido-boosting, life-prolonging, vitality-enhancing magical pill force advertised to ignorant consumers everywhere.

Cost me five-hundred bucks for a three months supply of PeNiS-max--all it did was give me expensive urine, and it stunk too...

30👍 4👎

Striving to do Worstest

The absolute zenith of all possible bad outcomes as a consequence of consistently poor decision-making.

The US response to the Corona virus seems to be evidence that we're Striving to do Worstest.
and it ain't just the president...

14👍 4👎

Causally Disconnected

Due to the property of exponential universal expansion, all non-local baryonic matter will eventually be displaced beyond the cosmic horizon and forever out of our reach.

Shit, ANOTHER Galaxy just disappeared over the cosmic horizon... forever Causally Disconnected from us. Even travelling at the speed of light, we could never catch it...never.

30👍 4👎

ins-troll-gram

The act of disseminating false, misleading or contrived Instagram messages in order to ascertain possible security intrusion or confirm suspected account surveillance.

*Yo! I just scored me some dank gas. *Wanna try it?
✓But you don't do drugs, bro..
*(Yeah, I know. That was an ins-troll-gram...I think my account has been compromised).

33👍 4👎

fear the car

The tendency for newer model 'intelligent' vehicles to, with increasing regularity and without warning, suddenly commandeer control away from the input of otherwise experienced, competent motorists.

So I'm backing out of the driveway. Ain't nuthin' behind us besides a fire hydrant and a garbage can. What does the 'smart car' do? Lock 'em fuckin' up! Spilled my drink all across my lap... bitch!

Fear the car...

10👍 3👎

Outsider-Test of Faith

With so many unique, often opposing, religious Directives, Dictates and Dogma--is faith really the strong foundation and reliable measure of truth on which to base belief?

So, what's the best definition of faith?
How about: pretending to know something that you don't know.
Take the Outsider-Test of Faith and see if your personal savior, shake, shayman, god or other mythologic figure survives the challenge...

31👍 4👎

Pre-Ex 'Sex'

The mechanical, uninspired act of passionless intimacy dutifully completed by individuals who's long-term, expiring relationship has fatigued from overwork, emotional exhaustion, diverging interests or mutual contempt.

When you're given under 3 minutes to 'do yer business' while she answers emails and texts...the best Pre-Ex 'Sex'...EVER!

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