fumble

when you are trying to make it to the bathroom, but shit in your pants before you make it to the toilet.

I ate a bean burrito from q-dubs and thought I had to fart, but when the shit dripped down my short pants, I surely knew I had fumbled.

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pencil pusher

a pencil pusher is a gaymo who packs ze shizit

At a group meeting "Hi my name is ray and i'm a Stoner" ::goes around the circle:: "Hi my name is Mark and i'm a pencil pusher"

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apple kisser

When you kiss someone and they kiss you back like they are eating an apple (or your favorite fruit/vegetable).

I started kissing this chick but it felt like she was gnawing on my face and when I saw my reflection in the mirror I looked like a granny smith apple.

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prom date

When a 45 year old mullet wielding, fake-tan having, sunglass wearing, super dyke-type female calls your bat phone talking about going out together to get beers and then saying "whatever happens, happens" which ultimately gives you free reign to the merkin covered beefy curtain. This isn't just a regular date, it is the most special of dates and that being a prom date.

This bitch, who works with me, called me up stuttering and stammering about going out for some beers and when I told my friends about it, they said do you want us to book you a limo for your prom date?

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Guard Hand

When a girl has her hand hover over a guy's hand to guard against where it goes.

After the 7th date when she finally touched my bird, I thought the law of reciprocity meant I could finger her snatch, but her guard hand blocked my attempt.

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