wegift

A present that you give to a person that you know you’ll also use. Hence, it is a gift for you too but is perceived as a gift for the other person. A bit selfish but hey, you do you.

Son: Merry Christmas Mom! I got you a new coffee maker!
Mom: Is this a wegift?
Son: Of course not mom.

(It definitely is)

Octeo-rectilitus

When the nerve endings of your eyes attach to the nerve endings of your ass, and you get a shitty outlook on life.

After John had a meeting with his boss, he had a bad case of octeo-rectilitus.