jockstrap-sniffers

A disparaging way to refer to the type of sports fan, most obvious at the collegiate level, who likes to get a little too close to the players, especially after the game.

Euphemistic synonym: "Rabid fans."

"Before we conduct any interviews, it's a good idea to let the jockstrap-sniffers storm through here. Then we'll shoo them out and get down to business."

protein shake

Slang for male ejaulate (semen), especially as a result of oral sex.

This term probably came into being upon the meeting of bodybuilder culture and its emphasis on whey- and other protein-based powders (dissolved in liquid resluting in a flavored milkshake-like drink), with contemporary gay culture.

Todd, come to my house after school. We'll hole up in my room and do some heavy lifting, hopefully ending in a protein shake or two winks.

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muscle bear

The three "h's" of "Bear" are "Husky, Hirsute and Homosexual." Add "Muscle" in front and the term defines:

a. A hairy (esp. chest)ed gay man, usually of middle years or more, who is well-muscled or well defined ("cut")usually from body-building or progressive-resistance gym work, with visible attributes such as forearm "guns" or "six-pack abs."

b. More generally, any hairy-chested mature (usually but not definitively) gay male who is at least somewhat physically fit, especially one who presents an imposing or dominant presence. Facial hair and a blue-collar look such as the cliche plaid lumberjack shirt add to the image.

(Definition a) -- "OK, in a day when 'Muscle Bear' has started to nudge out older descriptions like "virile, red-blooded, hairy-chested American male, who do you think is really a muscle bear? Can you put it in terms I'd understand?" -- "Oh, you mean gay porn! Blake Nolan, Dean Coulter, probably Arpad Miklos who wears his muscles so well, possibly Ross Hurston, the power bottom from England, and maybe the very hairy hunky Ray Harley. If Ray grew a beard and played the sexual top more often, I think he'd qualify.

But to me, the quintessential Muscle Bear is Tim Kelly in the HOM gay-porn vids. Woof!"

(Definition b) -- "Mary's straight-as-an-arrow husband Lochinvar is six foot one, hairy, a little chunky but still in good shape from outdoor work. He's forty-three and wears a goatee. Is it safe to call him a muscle bear?" -- "Well, you'd better check it out with Mary to see if he would get upset at any gay inference. But if Mr. L. grows a beard and starts hanging out in taverns every evening, perhaps Mary should start worrying. And why are YOU so concerned, might I ask?"

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Mutual Fund

Typically a Mutual Fund is an investment fund aimed at individual investors sponsored by an investment (or "mutual fund") house like Fidelity, Vanguard or T. Rowe Price. Each fund holds a "market basket" of stocks or bonds and individual investors buy into the fund by buying a share at "Net Asset Value," which is the total worth of the fund's holdings, calculated every day, divided by the number of shares outstanding. In other words, a mutual fund whose portfolio (value of all holdings) is worth a million dollars that has a hundred thousand shares outstanding will value those shares at ten dollars apiece. A typical stock-based mutual fund can earn its investors money in three ways: the dividends and capital gains that stocks pay out, and possible appreciation of the fund value per share.

For an individual investor, the advantage of owning a mutual fund is that s/he achieves diversity -- mutual funds own more than fifty stocks, on average -- that could not be achieved by buying a typical hundred shares of stock in only a few corporations. The disadvantages of such funds are that the "load" (sales commission) involved in buying or selling such funds can be considerable, and all funds incur some sort of service fees; that's how the investment house earns its money. Also, no "equity" or stock-based investment is guaranteed.

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"My broker wants me to buy shares in something called an "open-end fund" but I don't know what that means."

"That's just a way to describe the majority of mutual funds, which remain open to all new investors who have the money to invest in them."

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Verschlusspanik

Verschlusspanik (fair-SCHLOOSE-pah-neek) is a German word that literally means "closing panic." It refers to the rush of new investors (and new capital) into consumer investments like mutual funds that occurs when the sponsoring financial house announces that its fund will no longer accept new accounts beyond a certain date. That "last-minute" stampede is due to Verschlusspanik on the part of potential investors who do not want to be shut out of the fund.

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"Go figure -- Fund XYZ announces that it won't open any new accounts past the end of this month, and all of a sudden there's a huge influx of new investors and their money."

"That's called 'Verschlusspanik'. It often happens when there's a deadline for new accounts imposed."

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centsation

Narcissistic self-reference that an online contributor can use to signify that he or she has reached the hundredth-post marker of Urban Dictionary submissions.

(A compound of CENTenary (or CENTennial number) + senSATION. ;)

.

-- "That's it! U.D. published submission Number One Hundred of mine!" -- "You've reached your centenary on that count. Now you've become a centsation in your own mind, haven't you?"

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chubette

A youngish man, usually gay, who has gotten quite fat but is neither old enough nor obese enough to qualify as a full-fledged "chub." Less insulting than the term "heifer" used sometimes to reference the same kind of individual.

"Joe may not quite be a "chubette," but with that paunch, his goatee and chest hair, he's a Bear by anyone's definition." If he gains much more weight he'll qualify for chubette. Moo! But chubby chasers will stand in line around the block to get to him.

Q: How many "chubettes" grow into full-time "chubs"?

A: They all do, unless they lose some weight and tone up; in which case they might pass for muscle bears.

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