Westie

Pale, greasy-looking people predominantly from the western suburbs of Sydney, Australia, especially Rooty Hill, Penrith, and surrounding areas. A cousin to the USA Trailer Trash and the UK Chav. Westies have a very strict dress code: black AC/DC and Metallica shirts and blue or black jeans. Nothing else is permitted, except for the mandatory flannel shirt wrapped around their waists, kind of like a small, low cape. A sort of “Super Tea Towel Man” look. Footwear includes ankle-high leather shoes of any kind or thongs (flip-flops).

The males are usually scrawny with wispy goatee beards that they’ve never shaved, but still haven’t managed to accumulate more than a dozen hairs. However, they think they are the exact replicas of ZZ Top.

The females wear similar clothes to the males, but are also permitted spandex bike shorts and ugg boots. The larger the butt, the more chance it will be wrapped in taunt spandex, with two worn patches on each cheek showing a faint hint of white.

Both males and females wear mullets, unless the male is bald. If the male is balding he will shave his head and wear black sunglasses. It’s inevitable.

Drawn together by a strong dislike of anything that can’t be found in pubs--i.e., 70’s rock, sports on TV, booze, and fighting--they also sit around at home, watch porn and smoke bongs. They leave school too early to learn about proper birth control and the unsavoury results of incest, go on the dole and reproduce. Unfortunately, this is encouraged by the Australian government and the culling of Westies is not permitted by law.

You will not find intelligent or original Westies, by definition. Any person with higher than room-temperature IQ born into a Westie household will leave and join another sub-culture.

Westies are insecure and aggressive. However, they are safe when not in groups, since they’ll only pick fights when they outnumber you at least 4-to-1. It’s common for the females to start fights between two male Westies who are too stupid to know they’ve been set up (which is all of them).

Westies know five words and all of them are swear words. Communication is fairly difficult, since you can only express basic urges in words they'll understand. To read popular Westie sayings and slogans, visit a public toilet.

The best ways to avoid them is to live in an area that doesn’t have government housing and stay away from public transport. You will never find them on university grounds or in non-fast food restaurants.

For a Westie success story, check out an Australian band called 'The Radiators'.

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