NASCAR in the Rain

Something that doesn't exist.

Don't you get it? He doesn't have a girlfriend. She's the Loch Ness Monster, NASCAR in the rain. She doesn't exist.

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smartjunk

The bulge in your front pocket from carrying around an iPhone or Android.

I lost my phone when I was carrying it in a holster, but now I am carrying it smartjunk-style

fauxpiphany

Sudden realization that your epiphany wasn't that significant.

Mary shouted "Eureka!" and then realized her mistake. Yet another fauxpiphany in a long career of failure...