Quimper

1. Noun; City in Brittany, France
2. Verb; Involuntary response of a vagina in anticipation of an enjoyable sexual congress. Pormanteau of "quim" and "whimper"

Ooh Margorie, I tell you what, Harold called me from the office to suggest we go to bed straight after University Challenge tonight. My heart went all a-flutter and my muff had a little quimper

Deliveroo and wank

The apotheosis of living for the modern middle aged family man. Netflix and chill, for husbands who have long ago abandoned both erotic frisson and euphemism.

"The wife's away, so I'm going to treat myself to a Deliveroo and wank."

"You mean..."

"Yes, a lukewarm curry followed by furious self abuse."

Wittenham Clumps

1. The arse dreadlocks that form when hirsute-bottomed men are less diligent than they should be about wiping.

2. A hill fort in Oxfordshire

Oh Derek, I'm not going to do that - not until you've dealt with your Wittenham Clumps