Ned

A type of thug in Scotland, their low level IQ doesn't allow them to understand much, not even activities that they claim to be experts on such as: fighting, drinking, drug-taking and cars (not that they can afford a car). The mass majority of these idiots are unemployed. So here's what clothes they wear: tracksuits. socks that are worn over the sleeves of the track bottoms, "gold" chains, one or two rings, white trainers and Rangers or Cetic football tops. They are normally in a group or should I say a "team" and they may have a ridiculous name for this team and they talk bollocks to other teams about how uneducated they all are, then start slicing and stabbing eachother with kitchen knives. Neds can make an aftershave or a deodorant smell like feces, mainly because they bath in these fragrances (not to imply these brainless tinks actually wash themselves) and put way too much on, their breathe stinks and clearly neds don't brush their teeth. Neds act aggressive, because old ladies that have been victims of attacks from neds had convinced these neds that they are somewhat badass, which of course they aren't, they're all talk ... if you can even call what comes out their smelly mouths, 'talk'. As for alcohol consumption, mostly Buckfast tonic wine or VERY cheap beer and cider. Drugs: hash and maybe sniff glue they nicked from a primary school. Figure: skinny and rodent-like. IQ: 0-30 points. Neds are just a waste of space, air and money.

Ned: Hol you, wit ye dain growling at meh, tryin eh start sommit?

Person with an IQ above 75: Sorry, can I help you?

Ned: Ah wiz chillin ova there and ah caught ye out growling at meh

Person: Um, well I wasn't, now go away and fry a mars bar or something

Ned: WIT YE SAYIN TEH ME?

Person: Get a job

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Nedette

A female version of a 'Ned', who are basically thugs from Scotland, normally in and around Glasgow and Edinburgh. Nedettes are amazingly stupid, skanky and ugly creatures that wear crap fluffy-hooded jackets. ripped jeans, white trainers. crap perfume that cost 50p and they are never sober, so they're easy to spot. they also wear a lot "jewellery" (<--meaning it's fake), live in council estates and live in "protection" of their all-so-lovely boyfriends (<--meaning they're rubbish boyfriends). Now as you would expect because these rats aren't educated, they are too stupid to even know how to find a job, nevermind get one, so they get money by having 26 children by the time they reach they age of 7 years old. Apart from knowing very well how to suck dick and how to collect as many STDs as possible (at least I think that's their goal, I don't know who cares), nedettes sadly aren't very skillful in ANY department, not even looking after their kids or fighting or any of that stuff, they basically suck (literally) at everything.

*social worker visits a shed that the nedette hilariously lives in*

Social worker: "I'm sorry to inform you, Miss ... err Nithead .. nice name .. but eh because you are only 3 years old, it is not legal for you to be looking after your 68 children so we're gonna have to take them away, there is nothing you can do"

Nedette: "wit da fuk min, ye canna dae aht, ah luk ufder mah waynes wi aw ah got" *and other various monkey noises that nobody understands* (needless to say she had a problem with it)

Social Worker: "........yes exactly, I'm glad you understand"

*social worker shocks the nedette with a stun gun*

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