Memory Enhancer

A pad of paper and a sharpened #2 pencil.

BOB: Soon I'll never forget anything again.
Burt: And why is that?
Bob: After watching this infomercial on TV last night I ordered the Memory Enhancer and because I was one of the first thousand callers I get not one but two pads of paper and two sharpened #2 pencils.

Mission Statement

The vague and unobtainable goals of a company or organization used by management to explain what the company or organization and they themselves do.

After months of meetings and repeated drafts they thought their new Mission Statement was perfectly clear, only problem was it really had nothing to do with what they did.

Twitter Quiver

Medical term describing the nerve damage to one's thumbs resulting from continuous use of these digits to type out and send useless information on their phones to friends who having nothing better to do actually have time to read them.

The prognosis is not good said the doctor to the thumb shaking patient. Your tests all came back positive for Twitter Quiver.