Spousal catfight arousal

The complicated excitement a man feels when seeing his wife (or girlfriend) in a physical altercation with another woman. The condition is heightened when there is the real possibility for intimate sensual contact between the two combatants.

"Hey come quick, Jen had it with your wife's attitude and it looks like she has Lesley pinned down. You might want to end this."

"Are you kidding?"

"Spousal catfight arousal?"

"Damn straight. I need a closer view."

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Validation by proxy

To feel better about oneself by viewing oneself not as an individual but as part of a larger group. In this state, one need not accomplish anything oneself but can take great pride in the accomplishments of others as though they are personal accomplishments because the group is viewed a personal extension.

'Yea we won!"

"No the Steelers won. You just watched the game on TV."

"Same thing."

"No It's not, it's your validation by proxy."

Jane Krakowski Effect

Named after the Ally McBeal series actress, this is a condition in which men literally stop in their tracks when looking at a woman that is completely physically stunning and flawless. It is sometimes marked by the loss of peripheral consciousness for hours or days as the male stares transfixed, feeling no pain nor hunger nor any sense of responsibility to attend to necessary matters. In war, the use of Ms Krakowski directly, via her surrogates, or her images to immobilize the enemy is expressly forbidden under any and all of the Geneva Convention agreements.

"Whoa Jake...You zoned out dude. One minute you were fine and the next you were comatose. Was it that blonde in the blue miniskirt?"

(Still in something of a stupor) "Yeah. I think so."

"Jane Krakowski Effect huh?"

(Beside himself now) "Is she here? The real one? Where?" (Jake fades out again lost in a mental image)

"Oh the blessing and curse of having the angel Jane Krakowski and her ilk living amongst us." (Jake's friend laments)

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Demanding damsel in distress

The attractive woman at work who plays the coquette and victim when it suits her but also demands respect and advancement. Coworkers either hate her or swoon over her. No one is neutral in their opinions of her.

"Can you believe that Stacey charged her supervisor with harassment? He just asked her to do her job."

"Yeah and now she got a promotion on top of it!"

"She's a demanding damsel in distress."

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arousal repulsion cycling

What a man feels when he is alternately extremely attracted to a particular woman's unimaginably hot body but also completely disgusted by her unimaginably ugly face. This generally produces disorientation in the first few episodes but can sometimes later reshape sexual attraction as the ugly face becomes a fetish of sorts.

"Hey Jake, check out the smoking hot babe walking down the beach."

"That one walking away?"

"Oh yeah I am going to go meet her right now!"

(Moments later) "Hey baby. my name's Tony." (She turns around and Tony almost throws up. She walks away only to appear smoking hot again. The arousal repulsion cycling continues on like this all day long.)

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Reltermrat

A trendy new concision for the pathological condition known as "Relationship Termination Rationalization". This device is used by the monogamously adverse to psychologically justify breaking up with someone without having any genuinely compelling reason for doing so.

"Why'd you break up with Jill?"

"She was way too Jedi for me."

"What the Hell does THAT even Mean? I think you're just a reltermrat"

"Shut up."

"Can I ask her out then?"

"Absolutely not!"

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Unemployment ecstasy despair

The conflicting emotions one faces when one discovers that they have been terminated. First is a feeling of euphoria then dread, then mixed emotions that cycle frequently.

"John, you're fired you jackass!"

(John smiles a crooked smile)

"What's wrong with you John?"

"Unemployment ecstasy despair, boss"

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