Kirsten Dunst Syndrome

A woman who by all objective standards is quite beautiful but retains a subtle indescribable flaw that somehow undermines her overall beauty. It is also sometimes known as Miley Cyrus Syndrome.

"Dude what's wrong with you? How could you break up with Carol? She is a fox!"

"I don't know. There was something about her mouth that bugged me. I can't explain it."

(Pensive now) Yeah I think I get what you're saying now. I sort of noticed that too.

"It's like Kirsten Dunst Syndrome, I guess"

"You mean Miley Cyrus syndrome?"

"Same thing...whatever."

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Ping pong ball season

Late fall, winter and early spring in the upper Midwest. The name derives from the off-white sky, horizon and ground that makes delineating the three virtually impossible. One feels that they are trapped inside of a table tennis ball.

"I can't stand this weather. Everything is coated with the same awful color."

"That's what you get this time of year in Cleveland. What did you expect? It's ping pong ball season."

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Le guillotine de la porte

The fear that one may lose a body part due to any kind of door that is perceived to be closing too quickly. The phrase is said to have originated from 18th century survivors of the French Revolution who passed their remaining days in a kind of post traumatic stress disorder and obsessing about sharp quickly closing things.

"Johnny get your hand back into this elevator, the door is about to close!"

"Mom, it is just an elevator door."

"Yeah that's what you said about the bus door this morning."

"Mom I think you have le guillotine de la porte and the stories you hear are just urban legends."

"Just get your hand out of the door."

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Fergie Pudding

A sweet Christmas concoction that has essentially the same recipe as figgy pudding but replaces the figs with black eyed peas.

"Hey Stacy Ann Ferguson (Fergie's full name), put out more of that Fergie pudding!"

"Hey I don't put out for anybody."

"OK, sorry only it is so sweet and delicious...please?"

"That's better."

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NPR Rush Whiplash

The sense of absolute confusion that one feels when flipping the radio dial from National Public Radio directly to the Rush Limbaugh or any other right wing radio show. This has been known to cause liberals to feverishly vote for Barbra Streisand for every elected office on their ballots. In their delirium and panic in this condition, conservatives tend to vote for Sarah Palin's youngest child Trig. The ailment is easily treated by a steady diet of smooth jazz.

"I don't know what to do. I want to be fair about immigration but I am really concerned about illegal Lithuanians getting access to our health care system."

"You've been listening to NPR and Rush again, haven't you?"

"Yeah I think I have NPR Rush Whiplash."

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Chunkhouse

Any dwelling either temporary (e.g. a tent) or permanent where a significant number of fat people are residing.

"Hey Mark, your wife really put on some weight, huh?"

"I know. If she doesn't start getting rid of it pretty soon she'll have to go to one of those chunkhouses"

"Sounds harsh."

"Well that is what chunkhouses are for."

"Touche!"

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Octaphilia

The perverse desire to emulate fashion, hair and music from the 1980's despite severe social criticisms for doing so.

"Patty what are you doing? The big shoulder pads, the big sometimes blue or green hair? What's up with your boyfriend too with the eyeliner? Don't you see that people are laughing at you?"

"Well my boyfriend still likes Boy George and Wham and I still like Pat Benatar and Dynasty and I think that blue hair is my best color. Get with it Suzie."

"Get with it?!!!! I hated that stuff even then! Your octaphilia is out of control!"