Kobe

to throw a condom in a garbage can after having sex with a mentally-retarded, blonde, white woman on the back of a chair in a hotel room in colorado.

i swear! it was consensual!

905👍 733👎

Shaq

to be payed 28 million dollars a year for 20 points and 10 rebounds a game and only 40 double-doubles in a season, along with 47 percent free throw shooting and 18 points per game in the playoffs

shaq has a larger salary than the entire charlotte bobcats team

1025👍 280👎

apocalypse

the day that george bush gets reelected, so i guess the apocalypse has already happened

a monkey being reelected? how can so many people be so stupid?

162👍 161👎

don vito

the uncle of skateboarder bam margera. he is incredibly funny, fat, nasty, has a lazy eye, and has skin tags. don vito enjoys hooters, veal scalopini, and antonios.

"You guys are a bunch of Vulcan idiots."

" He's got no tiddly just joogle, you can't just goat duggle. Hammer and nail and hammer, something and expect it to grow! Beglat you've got these idiots... Sitting hernwhaga ehhhm, just sitting glawhahwaglahhh. What they're doing?"


"Now you've got my eyes covered with ice-en-ning!"

"...itza stupid kazixta stupid country, datzall i know!"

"I dunno what's on the car! Haargh-di-ah you take points before, now you're asking all these questions!"

"YO!"

297👍 90👎

flamer

a man who puts on a button-down, pink shirt with three buttons undone, torn jeans from abercrombie, flip flops, silk underwear and mousse in his hair and then heads out and cries to a barbra streisand musical, after which he goes to starbucks, where he orders a cappuccino, which he enjoys while reading an article in "vogue" about how to please your man. after all this, the "man" goes to the gap for some shopping and then heads out for a manicure and hair appointment.

the damn flamer couldn't stop talking about clothing materials, so i showed him the newest playboy and he quickly dissapeared

35👍 49👎

warped tour

a collection of some of the worst "bands" in the music industry

guy: dude!(brushes back hair) did you go to the warped tour?

me: naw. homey don't play that.

76👍 149👎

Cincinnati

a city that i live in that isn't that bad when i think of it. sure, our sports teams suck. sure, we have a lot of crime downtown. well... i actually have nothing nice to say about cincinnati, except there are a lot of malls. i live in the suburbs, so its not that bad where i live.

founded in 1967 by germans, they named it cincinnati, which of course in german means "anal hair."

30👍 131👎