V-train

The pharmaceutical drug Vyvanse. Mainly used in reference to taking the drug (riding the V-train) It is used to treat ADHD and overeating disorders. Also known as V’s, lisdexamfetamime (chemical name) or speed.

It is similar to Adderall except Vyvanse has a lysine group attached to the amphetamine so it is activated by the GI tract. This is to prevent college kids from snorting the powder.

Effects come on after 45-90 minutes and peak at about 2-3 hours. Effects include increased energy, euphoria, motivation and increased cognitive function.

Side effects include

-Music sounding awesome
-Talking constantly
-Doing all your homework in 30 minutes
-Masturbating like 5 fucking times a day
-Feeling really fucking sexy
-Anxiety
-Diarrhea

-Realizing it’s been like 30 minutes since you beat your dick
-Immediately becoming super funny
-Having to explain to your family that it’s different that meth because it’s from a doctor.
-Transcending

Eventually the V-train comes to a stop and redosing or taking a lot causes a rapid tolerance increase. It is best to use as prescribed and build a tolerance so you can concentrate without transcending (as fun as that may be).

1.
Me: Hey did you get the homework done for today? I seriously couldn’t get it all done if I tried.
Friend: Hell yeah man, I hopped on the V-train and did it all in like 45 minutes.

2. Prostitute: Okay, I know you paid me for the whole night but can we take like a 30 minute break? You have fucked me like 6 times already and I’m sore.
Me: Nah, I’m on the V-train. Here it comes into the tunnel CHOO CHOO BITCH!

Kratom Flu

Opioid withdrawal that is brought on by abuse of the plant Mitragyna Speciosa (otherwise known as kratom).

Kratom contains the naturally occuring drugs Mitragynine and 7-OH-Mitragynine, both of which are mu-opioid agonists. Because of this activity on opioid receptors, this herbal drug induces short but euphoric highs as well as a pretty nasty withdrawal if use is discontinued after a few months of daily usage. This withdrawal is known as “Kratom flu.”

Some users say it isn’t as bad as the dope flu you get from oxy or heroin, some say it’s worse. In my experience it’s pretty shitty either way.

Friend: Why are you yawning bro?

Me: My state made mitragynine a schedule I controlled substance so I think I’m coming down with the kratom flu.

Friend: Try ordering some tianeptine because that’s somehow still perfectly legal!

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Petting zoo

Slang for the opioid based drug/plant mitragyna speciosa AKA kratom. It gets its nickname from the smell of the ground powder that smells just like a llama. It produces short euphoric highs and is legal in most states.

Example 1:
Dan: Hey do you want any kratom?
Nate: No that smells like a petting zoo.
Dan: More for me I guess

Example 2:
I havent shit in over a week because I take an ounce of petting zoo every day.

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BP Oil Spill

Boy Pussy oil spill: When you pull out of your tight twink and they leak diarrhea. Would not recommend.

I fucked my Grindr date yesterday but he had been drinking the night before. We had a BP oil spill.

Uptown

North-midwest slang for methamphetamine.

Meth = “up” or “uptown”

Heroin = “down” or “downtown”

Dealer: “Yo do you fuck with uptown?”

Friend: “Oh you mean coke?”

Dealer: “Nah, I mean SHIT.”

Me: “He means meth homie, nah we’re good fuck that.”

Flatline flip

The mother of all drug combinations. This is when a person takes LSD, MDMA, alcohol, caffeine, nicotine, prescription opioids, prescription amphetamines (substitute for meth if you’re bummy) (or cocaine if you’re rich which you aren’t) as well as some Benadryl to kill nausea.

This combo is not meant to be attempted by anyone who isn’t a professional drug addict.

If done right the stimulating effects of the Molly, Acid and rX stimulants should completely override the sedation caused by the alcohol, Benadryl and Opioids making you feel completely sober.

Honestly you will probably overdose but think of how cool you will feel?

Friend 1: I am so high, I am candyflipping right now off of a gel tab and a Tesla pill!

Friend 2: *unresponsive*

Friend 1: I wish I was cool enough to flatline flip

Officer: What did your friend take? Be honest, we are trying to save his life?

Me: He.. He was flatline flipping.

Officer: Holy shit cool

Handsome

A state of drunkenness. When you drink enough to become very sexy and attractive in your own eyes.

Example 1:
Peter: “What time do you get off? Me and the guys were hoping you could buy us some more beer.”
Brian: “You cant be serious.”
Peter: “Its a little bit serious. I havent been drunk in a day and I’m not feeling particularly handsome.”

Example 2: Me and my friends got blackout handsome last night.

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