designer dog

Small well-groomed dog carried as an accessory by equally well-groomed woman. May be carried in a handbag, pushed in a stroller or less frequently, on a rhinestone encrusted leash. Frequently seen in upscale shopping malls and clothing boutiques.

Can cause cries and gasps of "Soooo cute" from bypassers, retail store personnel and overly friendly salespersons, also usually female but occasionally gay or just trying to make a sale. The astute observer will note the dog's owner basking in the vicarious attention. These cries increase in strength and volume in direct proportion to the number of designer dogs carried, hence many women now sport multiple dogs.

Often dressed for the season or holiday in color-coordinated "cute" outfits and matching fur adornments such as bows. May also sport custom "fur cuts".

Occasionally high strung and nippy, but more often dull and unaware. Yet another way these dogs resemble their owners. Or is it the other way around?

The designer dog is the latest accessory for the well-groomed urban woman.

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maintenance sex

Sexual intercourse initiated by the male partner of a long term live-in relationship primarily for the relief of his sexual tension and usually occuring at the same time and place every week. If foreplay is included, it is uninspired and routine in nature. If anything other than missionary position is used, you are NOT having maintenance sex!

Maintenance sex is associated with an increase in UTIs in women (due primarily to the lack of lubrication) and with other relationship problems such as extramarital affairs and divorce. Interestingly extramarital affairs and divorce are also effective cures for maintenance sex.

"So what happened to you and Mr. Right? I thought you guys were a great couple!"
"Couldn't take the maintenance sex so I had to dump him."

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