Anne

Anne is my wife. She has red hair and a hand-me-down robe; she’s probably a Weasley. Except she’s a slytherin. Anne doesn’t like dirty jokes or swearing, but is a fan of murder. She is a good wife in that she will murder anyone who tries to fuck with me. Sometimes she is quiet but is still popular and everyone likes her. She is also very smart. She reads at the speed of light and is in accelerated math. She is a chopsticks (the game) prodigy. She will use her knowledge to tutor her friends for free.

Friend: yo is that Anne?
Me: yeah, I want to kiss her so bad
Friend: wtf

Anne: will you marry me?
Me: ok

Me: are you cheating on me
Anne: yes, I am. Suck it up
Me: …
Me: I’m keeping the toaster
Me: *runs away and cries*