hands-free

\'han(d)z-ˈfrē\ (verb)
The act of using any body part other than the hands to masturbate.

I got pulled over for driving erratically, but I was totally hands-free!

10👍 4👎

nardfasting

When a man denies himself sex, masturbation, or any other activities that could lead to his eventual ejaculation.

"Baby, I'd love to whip up some love butter for you right now, but you know I'm nardfasting!"
"I know, sugah, but you know I find sustenance in those clumpy, oily gobs of wand pudding you gush up for me!!!"
"Who talked me into this nardfasting shit in the first place?!?!?"

Assbark

Assbark forms in a pair of underwear where layer upon layer of skidmarks have been built up until it resembles the approximate color and texture of bark.

"My wife still throws up every time she has to scrape the assbark off my shorts."

7👍 1👎